Archive for the ‘Pictures’ Category

Losing Our Pulse

June 19, 2016

Losing Our Pulse

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He’s lively and vicious and slightly pernicious and always with brand dripping gang he.

October 21, 2011

I will walk the path the finger traces

On an inner map that weaves and laces

Through the landscape of distant places

Among the painted faces of foreign races

.

As her hand so gently folds to mine

Her thoughts are void of joy this time

A heart once full drapes from the vine

A limping loveless pantomime

Like quarreling lovers the fingers mingle

Through voyeur’s double looking glass

When two are one then two are single

A fruit once sweet has soured at last

As fire burns it must be rekindled

An emptied treasure trove leaves dirt

As woven love leaves empty spindle

Drove through with needle the fingers hurt

Days pull back like scabs to let new blood through.

October 9, 2011

The eggplant is pregnant with the seed of the day

And apparent’s the fact that all’s not okay

My bones have been eaten by the salt of the earth

My body’s been beaten and I’m ready for work

.

The belly can relish in the nothing to lose

and

The mind can find terror in the paths that I choose

or

We could get lost in the lies that we make

by

Ignoring all knowledge that our future’s at stake

.

My eyes push against the throbbing darkness

Points of light in red ignite

And weave within the eaves

.

The self that I am and the self I project

Are so ceaselessly distant

That they’re hard to connect

Leaves grow wings to learn to fly to fall.

October 7, 2011

keep flapping

beat your waxen wings against the sun

keep flapping

until the leather strap has come undone

Leaving is not an option.

January 10, 2011

Life is a mess that we work very hard to make.

December 30, 2010

his mother is a vegetable

and behind her twisted grin

her teeth are uncorrectable

ivory doors that lock within:

a roof that’s half collapsing

bridgework that’s been burned

caps are sized and sinking

and her fillings emptied out

her gums are slowly beaten

by nerve-ending woven whips

for all the food she’s eaten

she’ll pay the price, with tip

now the waiter she’s harassing

about the food she must return

he’s desperately thinking

of sorting this cunt out

Bad weather’s callin’, the first snow has fallen.

December 12, 2010

Nothing much been going on. I’m frozen in place by the cold, paralyzed with nervousness over next semester, and held under the heavy blankets I need to stay warm. Haven’t much interest or energy to move. I do know that I will never again subject myself to living in such winter-y places. I say that now, when I know that it’s probably a lie. I just say this: I’m not happy in the cold.

I also drank all of my milk and orange juice because I suddenly became very thirsty. My sneezes smell funny. I’m almost un-sick, but lots of the symptoms remain. I started listening to Will Oldham / Bonnie “Prince” Billy. He’s very depressing, but that somehow makes me less so.

I haven’t been in bad spirits at all lately, really. I’m just really not looking forward to this student teaching stuff, and every day is just a second in a grueling countdown. I know I’ll make it. I have no choice. It’s terrible that this all had to coincide with yet another unexpectedly horrible winter. Haven’t been in much a mood for drawing pictures. I’m really very sad that I’ll be leaving college soon. I was just starting to really like it. I’m going to miss everyone at FPAC.

Soon I’ll be free from this purgatory. And I don’t really care what’s out there waiting for me. As long as it’s something. And really, there’s no other choice.

Flesh will fade in a bone cascade. Beneath the shade of an ageing wave.

November 30, 2010

i’m cradling my  hands

because i’m holding my own

down comes the crown

when you’re thrown from the throne

the knife in my back

has cut to the bone

i’m all borrowed out

out on loan and alone

I can’t believe I hate the whole thing.

November 29, 2010

Well, I’ve been feelin’ pretty fine. Which is actually kind of surprising seeing as how I’ve been completely and unabashedly avoiding doing the large amount work I just spent all day doing.

I skipped school to do some school work that I didn’t do while I was at school. Or while I was on vacation. Speaking of vacation!

I had a good time in Murphy visiting Sam and Mike. We went out to a sweet Mexican restaurant (and I actually finished my meal, of course I hadn’t really eaten all day before that, either). I got the grand tour and was introduced to the little doggies Theo and Nibbler. Unfortunately, the third dog was savagely taken by wild coyotes (not the tame kind) a few weeks earlier. Can’t imagine how terrible that must have been.

The following day was Thanksgiving, and we were gonna go golfing (haven’t done that since I was 16 or so–got sun stroke, which was probably preferable to the strokes I was making on the course). But that didn’t happen, because everything’s closed on holidays! Anyway, we went to a nice national forest park and took many, many, many pictures.

Then I went to have dinner at Sam and Mike’s friends’ house. Everyone has really nice houses. I met a hilarious gentlemen named Luke. Luke had lots of funny stories and enough charisma to tame a wild coyote. He had a bunch of interesting pictures hanging about the house detailing his adventures around the globe. He’s traveled all around Europe and Africa, and assured me that someday I would, too. I’d like that.

His wife Connie, and their son Thomas (and his wife who I didn’t catch the name of), as well as friends Ray and his wife (I guess I don’t pay attention to wives–maybe that’s why I don’t have one anymore) were all gracious and had plenty of good stories to tell. I laughed, guffawed, and chortled–as I usually do–but not much else. Dinner was delicious and home made, and Thomas regaled us with tales of his misadventures hunting (lots of moose and rattlesnake stories) as we ate.

I think I was well behaved and offered as much to the conversations as I could, being the young-man out. Anyway, an overall enjoyable time.

Let’s see. Then I guess I just ate a bunch and Sam showed me a bunch of the awesome stuff she’s collected and made. She’s quite proficient at quilt-making–which, as it has now come to my attention, is extraordinarily similar to the process I go through to make my drawings. So I borrowed a cool quilt book and she gave me some gauche she said she’d never use. So I suppose I’ll try that out sometime soon.

Got dropped off at work were I hung out with Eddie and… worked. Then spent Saturday at Cory and Daniel’s and just sorta drew pictures and played games. I didn’t budge on Sunday, but I did watch The Last Temptation of Christ, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Willem Dafoe is the coolest Jesus ever. I also really like the ambiguity of the role of Jesus that gets passed back and forth throughout the plot. Harvey Keitel plays a slammin’ fuckin’ Judas, too. Probably my favorite movie about Jesus (not that there’s a lot of competition).

And I already said what I did today. But I’ll elaborate. Eight pages worth of lesson plans and a Power Point presentation. Took me all day, but I must say I’m quite relieved to be finished with the ONE AND ONLY PIECE OF REAL WORK I’VE HAD TO DO THIS SEMESTER. What a shit I am for pushing this off for so long. Least all I have to do now is present, and that’s like butterin’ bread. So, it’ll be fine.

But yeah, been feelin’ pretty leveled out lately. No deep depression despite what feels like should be stress, but only comes through as apathy. It’s sort of like a real positive not-caring of what ‘s going on that I’m feeling right now. Just sorta walking forward without looking up off the ground. I should probably be nervous about student-teaching, but I’m not.

I’ve been listening to this really relaxing band called Mimicking Birds. They’re awesome, and I found unreleased material in addition to their album they just put out. It’s like Ugly Casanova, but less gruff. The subject matter is relative to my life, so I’ve been listening to it on repeat all day like I do when I like everything else. A lot of the transitions between their songs are seamless, and I love that. Listen:

Tom and Donna gave me some of their Thanksgiving leftovers last night. I polished that off today. Very delicious. Cheesy rice on top of chicken wrapped in bacon is an idea that I’m angry I never had. I will be consuming such things in the future.

Well now, I seem to be puttering off on this writing frenzy that I’ve been at all day, so fuck off. I’m going to go do nothing for the rest of the night.

i waited for you call

in the sunshine

in the rain

i waited through the fall

but your name

it never came

i went into the stall

wrote this saying

between the stains

and now i’m walking tall

through the crowds

to ignore the pain

 

There’s an anchor on the moon and it’s dragging us both down.

November 23, 2010

I don’t think I really find my fellow humans to be despicable. I think I find myself inept in social situations and then decide to alienate myself in response to keep myself from feeling the full weight of my ineptitude. That’s simple enough to see. But it won’t really change much. At least not right now.

I’m not in a bad mood today, as of yet. But I’ve been having nightmares every time I sleep, and that’s no good. It doesn’t matter much, though. Just keep waking up and sleeping and it’ll all change again. I wonder where I’m going after graduation. I’m not so hep on the idea of venturing off on my lonesome. But I don’t really  want to live in FL, and VA is god damned expensive. But I’d like to be close to my friends and family. I’ve had enough of this extended mountain hermitage. Although I’ve met plenty of people here that I’d be sorry to leave. But I gotta go. I want to go up. And I need to climb.

I’ve noticeably become disinterested in many things. Either that, or I’ve become too busy, but that’s only part of it. I need to move somewhere where the winters are short. I don’t mind a little winter, but here it never ends. It’s a pain to get out of bed. It’s a pain to sit on the toilet. It’s a pain to get in my car. And my hands are cracked and bleed-y. And my bad moods are ruining my good moments. And they only serve to further perpetuate more bad moods. They need to be leashed and controlled. And I need to handle that.

The sand is pouring down

And the years are falling fast

I’ve wasted all my best

And I’m wasting all my last

Red earth drops upon the living dead

And it piles on my head

I just want to be a good person. The kind that helps others when he can. I don’t want to take anything from anyone unless I’ve got something to give back. And I don’t want to be taken advantage of, either.